PastPoop

5/1/2003-Complexity

My life is so complex right now that if I were to take the time to explain it, it would sound simple.

It's that complex.

All I can really say is that it boils down to me not getting enough fiber and Ted Nugent. That, and there's a person on this planet named Michelle who is still breathing air.

I honestly don't really want to talk about her, but since I have to write today's update, and I'm having general woman problems today, I decided to go with it.

I've known this person for around 11 or 12 years, and a couple of years ago I got this awsome idea to actually date her.

WTF?

Yeah, she has the all important boobies, along with a few other features. But there was one important thing about her that I turned a blind eye on... HER UTTER AND GLARING INSANITY! That, combined with her tendancy to be a fucking retard led to some fun times.

When we broke up, I decided to be mature about it, and not crap on her too much when I told people what happend. I mean, after all, we had been friends (somewhat) for 12 or 13 years, why let that go down the drain.

Then I learned of her nefarious plan... to keep me around as a safety dick!

OH NO YOU DIDN'T GIRLFRIEND!

Now before I get a bunch of emails (i.e. none) asking me why I had a problem with gettin' free tang, let me tell it how it is.

She goes out with some guy, shit goes wrong, she comes back cause she doesn't want to be alone...

Repeat ad nausium.

Sorry Junior, but I don't go in for sloppy seconds.

So, because I'm so mature, I'm going to list all the things that she does that is utterly fucking stupid:

She blocks out bad events in her mind, on purpose! She can be quoted as saying, "Why is it wrong? It makes me happy". Can we say "Time Fucking Bomb"?

She drives like an oxygen deprived mongoloid.

She can't stop competing for attention from men with her sister, even if she has a boyfriend. You can only imganine how annoying that is.

She has three nipples.

She's the most egocentric person on the face of this earth.

She'll eat enough food to feed a family of elephants for three years, then take the latest dietary pill (herbal speed) to loose the seven metric tons she gained.

At random moments throughout the day, her brain cells will decide that getting in a huge fight with eachother is the best idea in the world. This prevents her from being able to function above the level of a five year old boy who has been held underwater for fifteen minutes.

Did I say that she represses bad memories? Cause I think that is worth mentioning again.

She's a doodie head.

It's been a while since I have talked to her, and even longer since we dated, but at random times about the day I can't help but think...

"What the hell was wrong with me?"

-BarnyardMessiah