PastPoop

4/22/2003-Manning the Fort alone: Day 3

Seeing as neither HighPulp or Insidious_T has submitted an article for today, I must continue on.

Today's subject will be: GolfCarts, instant fun!

I currently work at a storage facility, even though I graduated college with a degree in computer science. But I'm not bitter, AT ALL. At said facility, we have a golf cart. When I'm bored, bored, or bored. I climb into this thing and have a blast.

At first I didn't want to look like a tool, being 23 and in decent shape putting around the grounds on some piece of shit cart. I feel like a big enough looser as it is, why do I need to take it one step further.

One day I didn't feel like walking the grounds checking all the doors, so I jumped in and put it to the floor. Screaming along at 12 mph I check the grounds in no time flat. Half the time I was halfway out the cart cause those things turn tight!

It has shit suspention, so hitting the speed bumps at full tilt has it's hazzards. I have yet to get it airborne, but if anyone can do it, it would be me.

The speed limit is around 5 mph on the grounds, so I'm waiting for a complaint to roll into the office about my shenanigans. Especially since I found if you go down hill you can get up to 22 mph. It feels like the damn thing is gonna flip when you go that fast, so it's even more fun.

I allmost rolled it taking a corner that was pitched inwards, and another time I allmost fell out of my seat at said corner.

I've got about three dismounts that I can do. One is when I jump off while it's still moving. It usually rolls about 15 feet away. I've got it to the point where I can jump off at the office door and it rolls on over to it's parking spot unmanned. The second is when I stomp the brake with my right foot and jump out. This has the effect of maintaining my enertia and launching me about 4 feet. I use this to get to doors. The third usuall happens by accident, and that's when during the other two I either get hit by the cart or fall over.

I'm tempted to do a crash test, first on some boxes, then into a door. I don't know how upper managment will look at that, but I'll deal with that at the trial.

What's obnoxious is the fact that assorted shit flies out of it when I'm on manuvers. Damnit people, can't you clean up after yourselves!

w00t!

-BarnyardMessiah