PastPoop

5/2/2003-My Life = Comedy

I read the works of Insidious_T, and I laugh. His use of the english language to denounce france is awsome.

I read the works of HighPulp, and I laugh. His Hong Kong savvy vocab makes for good reading.

I read my work, and I'm sad. Becuase the only way I can get a laugh is tell the truth about my life.

Fuck it, it's funny, lets ROLL!

I'm gonna start a three part series entitled Norma, My first Girlfriend. Please go away.

Part 1:

While people remember their first girlfriends with fondness, I look back and wonder why I'm not gay.

Let's start off with a little backstory.

My luck with women in my teen years was far from good. This turned out to be because a "friend" of mine would tell any girl I liked that I would masturbate and call out their name. In turn they would avoid me like the plauge.

So when I finnaly got a girlfriend, my senior year of high school, I figured I'd try and do it right. It's not like the girls were queueing up around the block for a date with me.

In turn I suffered some serious shit at the hands of this woman, who basically tourtured me with her clingy needy bi-polar "where's my inhailer" unshaven "I love babies SOOO much" insecure "Why are you going out with your friends, DON'T YOU LOVE ME!?" crap. Honestly folks, it was a nightmare.

Let's start off with her shaving habits, or lack of them.

For starters there was allways one hair on her knee that she never took care of. I remember stairing at it, trying to send her a message with my mind to GET RID OF IT! But she never did. Hell, even if she did know about it, she didn't seem to care.

She also had a bit of a hairlip... *WRETCH*

Now, I'm a tolerant guy, but that's too much for me. I tried to be sensitive about it, suggesting that she do something. It ended up with me telling her to wax that shit, and her saying for me to deal with it.

Her bikini line was horriffic! I was embarassed to be seen in public with her. It looked as if someone with a large fro had put on a bicycle helmet. Again, I would make suggestions, and again I was told to deal with it.

She also had the back hair. At this point in time, I didn't feel like being told to deal with it. So I resulted to pulling it out strand by strand when she wasn't looking. Yeah, she wasn't happy about it, but I was working toward a goal. It's good to have goals.

She started out as a cute girl, but as time moved forward, things got ugly.

Well, a friend of mine is playing Vietcong, and I'm invited so I'll leave off at this point. Stay tuned for part 2, when I get into the sexual aspect, or as I file it away in my brain, when she humped my leg.

-BarnyardMessiah