PastPoop

4/16/2003-Scientologists Involved In Conspiracy

Last week, a necrophiliac exhumed the remains of Scientologist founder L.Ron Hubbard. While attempting to sodomize the Dianetics douchbag, the corpse fucker found plans sealed in a map tube for L. Ron's major push for world domination. The plans were to be pried from his cold rectum post mortem, but John Travolta was at a script reading for 'Look Who's Talking' and failed to forcep the devious text from his butt. Later while snorting coke with Kirstie Alley, John was reminded of his obligation to his master, but passed out while getting an e-meter reading in his coca induced euphoria.

After the necro got his nut on, he sold the plans to Fox News in exchange for a chance to sever Geraldo Rivera's head and hump the bloody neck stump.

Fox News reported that the text outlines a dastardly plan to to place LSD into various everyday products, thus weakening a person's will to resist the obvious bullshit psychobabble of Scientology and Dianetics. The plan also called for more celebrity Scientologists to make aggressive appearances to further Scientology propaganda and instill it in the stoned masses.

The plan then went into a detailed monologue on how to force the 'philosophy' of Scientology by offering street corner e-meter readings, replacing Bibles in churches with 'Dianetics', opening the Scientology Fat Kid Summer Camp, and by soliciting Scientology in public restrooms. This is feasible due to L.Ron being quoted as saying once; "Hey, everyone is vulnerable when pinching a loaf, I don't care who you are". The directive also called for the creation of the 'Scientology Cable Network', however, the proposal called for it to be pay per view.

Fox News questioned many Scientologist celebrities for comment. John Travolta denied the existence of the plan. He was quoted as saying; "There was no plan. I looked up Hubby's ass after he croaked to I.D. him. All that was there was a half digested pork rind, and a SeaOrg contract." Tom Cruise said: "Hubb-a-Dub wrote his book ideas and kept them in his ass, maybe that's all it was." Juliette Lewis added: "No, no,no! That tube was where he kept his pills."

The debate continues as Scientologist butternuts claim it's fake, while the rest of the world believes it to be real. The general population has also realized that they do feel "a little high."

-Insidious_T