PastPoop

6/13/2003-Son of Road to ze Weiss Haus

Insidious_t here back on the campaign trail after some helpful reminding from Shank Da Shiv from the grimcity forums. Truthfully, I forgot I wanted to be a candidate, but now it's back on my mind and I'm ready...till I forget again. I still have no cabinet list yet, but let's be honest; true incumbents don't make their cabinets till after a wild night of whoring and drunken shenanigans sponsored by campaign funds from Chinese lobbyists right before the first vote. Who am I to break with tradition?

Before the forthcoming speech, I need to make clear my half-assed seriousness about running. Yes, I am too young to be prez. Yes, I have little experience but I do feel truly passionate about this. In fact, I'm thinking that since this bullshit campaign may go nowhere that I may need to start smaller. With this in mind I'm actually running for city council of Oshkosh Wisconsin in 2004. Seriously. It's easy and it's a first step toward world domination but I'm getting ahead of myself. The council candidacy will be starting soon, but I need to get some permits and other paperwork from the state before that happens, but you can be sure that gruntplop will be campaign headquarters. Again, that's another tale, but that will happen...for now I have to try and sway peeps to my position as eventual president. C'mon, I'm leader of the Asspie party! Isn't that enough to endear you to my wily policies? Aw fuck... make me write a speech to convince you. Very well.

SPPPEEEECCCCHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Peoples of America! I stand before you today with an unshakable conviction that with the ascendancy of the National Asspie Party, that a new age of greatness based upon the foundation of a great people will dawn. America needs not only change, but a cold douching of my style of politics. Yes, it will hurt like bamboo in your peehole, but the fruitful future more than justifies any sacrifices that must be made for success. Like any good revolution..what? I can't say that in a democratic society..? alright REFORM for you politically correct monkeynuts, people must know that any positive result comes with pain.

Will you be worthy of this greatness?.........YES!
Are you willing to sacrifice luxuries for a time to help our economy?......YES!!!!!
Will you be willing to work massive hours to increase output so we can stabilize said farty economy?...YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You stupid horse's asses, like I'm going to take away any goodness just to help Wall Street's capitalist bastards. My plan is far more simple...see it? want it? take it! The gift of grab, U.S. gimme pigs... yes, my friends to stabilize our flagging finances we're going to rob countries weaker than us! Nobody has to work any harder, no more overtime hours with standard pay, we're simply going to knock over any gold holdings from foreign powers. Within 8 months, we should have the banks of Canada, France, Zimbabwe, Qatar, Yemen, Chile, Argentina, (they have lots o' Nazi gold too! Bling-Bling!) Kazakhstan, Brazil, Cuba, and Mozambique added to our slush funds! Soon, we'll be back on top as best currency and kick the Euro back to a distant third after the yen.

Fellow Americans, that is my policy for economic reform. It's easy, fun, and will also help me with my imperialist plans as laid out to me by Dr. Doom in Fantastic Four # 320. We can make this happen. We can make this the beginning of a new era....we can become czars of the world again; and we shall for Manifest Destiny shouldn't have ended with California. *End Speech*

Alrighty, that about sums it up for today. More recocktastic speeches later. As a side note, if I'm elected, I'll make sure you never see this agin...*look down imbecile.*

-Insidious_T