PastPoop

5/6/2003-From the Files of Flarschenleuger: Painful Testicles for Horny Eunichs.

I have no idea what the title of this has to do with anything that I am about to write, but it sounds fucking boss. I know I am supposed to deliver the sequel to the Hecklernomicon, but I haven't written it yet, so keep it in your pants. In the meantime, you can read this net ejaculate and be happy knowing that your intellect, though dropping, still exceeds that of a boiled potato. So now..... avanti!

Alrighty, well, I'm in the middle of moving now and am quite happy about the new neighborhood I'm about to become a part of. Oshkosh, Wisconsin is a small town college town and still retains the homey stir fried community feel. There's parks galore, pools, community centers, you name it. But that has nothing to do with anything.

Do you ever feel guilty staring at a homeless person or a retarded kid? I don't.

John McCain has refused to run in 2004! This is terrible news, as I was personally hoping for a McCain/ Powell ticket. Those two badasses would clean muthafuckin house! Welfare? You got it! After you get a job bitch!!!!!!!!! Deficit? Fucking black ops on the debtors and no debt! Food on every table? Hell yeah! Eat a Canadian! Alright, maybe that's in my ideal world, but you have to admit they'd be the best damn ticket in a loooonnnnnnggg time. Plus, the fireworks display of assbeatings they'd deal to ingrate countries would be primo, and John also likes Faith No More which ups his badassedness. Powell on the other hand is a former general and one mean motherfucker. He also could simply mobilize every piece of artillery the U.S. has if he's having a bad day, or he could have your momma killed cause he's got a toothache.

I'll bet Bruce Willis has great smelling hands.

In Wisconsin if an animal is struck and becomes roadkill, it is merely shuffled to the side of the road until a state cleanup crew retrieves it as food for the local zoo carnivores. In Fresno, California, if a person is struck and becomes pavement pizza, he's left until the looters raid his wallet, the bums finish with him as a urinal, and then the corpse is ground up for the local soup kitchens' "Burly Stew Luncheon Surprise."

That dirty sex kitten Christina Ricci is finally going to get nekkid on screen! Ever since the Addams Family I knew I'd be greasing my Steamboat Willy to that vixen. Even better, she's going to nekkid with Charlize Theron! Word! Sure the movie's about that lesbo serial killer chick whatever-the-hell-her-name-is, but I'm not going for the riveting story. I'm going to pull a Pee-Wee Herman on somebody's buttered popcorn.

My wifey poo is mad at for me being an insensitive prick. That's funny, cause after 2 minutes of the grunt-and-push my sensitivity gets the best of me.

AAAAANNNNNNNDDD we're clear. alrighty folks, I hope you did not enjoy this piece of literary filth. In fact, I hope you send the link of this to that wonderful pillar of morals Phyllis Schlafly or even better, the Connecticut Cumshot, Joey 'Matzah' Leibermann. Anyway, I'm done for now and I bid you adios and and a herpes free Wednesday.

-Insidious_T