PastPoop
5/6/2003-From the Files of Flarschenleuger: Painful Testicles for Horny
Eunichs.
I have no idea what the title of this has to do with anything that I
am about to write, but it sounds fucking boss. I know I am supposed to
deliver the sequel to the Hecklernomicon, but I haven't written it yet,
so keep it in your pants. In the meantime, you can read this net ejaculate
and be happy knowing that your intellect, though dropping, still exceeds
that of a boiled potato. So now..... avanti!
Alrighty, well, I'm in the middle of moving now and am quite happy about
the new neighborhood I'm about to become a part of. Oshkosh, Wisconsin
is a small town college town and still retains the homey stir fried community
feel. There's parks galore, pools, community centers, you name it. But
that has nothing to do with anything.
Do you ever feel guilty staring at a homeless person or a retarded kid?
I don't.
John McCain has refused to run in 2004! This is terrible news, as I
was personally hoping for a McCain/ Powell ticket. Those two badasses
would clean muthafuckin house! Welfare? You got it! After you get a job
bitch!!!!!!!!! Deficit? Fucking black ops on the debtors and no debt!
Food on every table? Hell yeah! Eat a Canadian! Alright, maybe that's
in my ideal world, but you have to admit they'd be the best damn ticket
in a loooonnnnnnggg time. Plus, the fireworks display of assbeatings they'd
deal to ingrate countries would be primo, and John also likes Faith No
More which ups his badassedness. Powell on the other hand is a former
general and one mean motherfucker. He also could simply mobilize every
piece of artillery the U.S. has if he's having a bad day, or he could
have your momma killed cause he's got a toothache.
I'll bet Bruce Willis has great smelling hands.
In Wisconsin if an animal is struck and becomes roadkill, it is merely
shuffled to the side of the road until a state cleanup crew retrieves
it as food for the local zoo carnivores. In Fresno, California, if a person
is struck and becomes pavement pizza, he's left until the looters raid
his wallet, the bums finish with him as a urinal, and then the corpse
is ground up for the local soup kitchens' "Burly Stew Luncheon Surprise."
That dirty sex kitten Christina Ricci is finally going to get nekkid
on screen! Ever since the Addams Family I knew I'd be greasing my Steamboat
Willy to that vixen. Even better, she's going to nekkid with Charlize
Theron! Word! Sure the movie's about that lesbo serial killer chick whatever-the-hell-her-name-is,
but I'm not going for the riveting story. I'm going to pull a Pee-Wee
Herman on somebody's buttered popcorn.
My wifey poo is mad at for me being an insensitive prick. That's funny,
cause after 2 minutes of the grunt-and-push my sensitivity gets the best
of me.
AAAAANNNNNNNDDD we're clear. alrighty folks, I hope you did not enjoy
this piece of literary filth. In fact, I hope you send the link of this
to that wonderful pillar of morals Phyllis Schlafly or even better, the
Connecticut Cumshot, Joey 'Matzah' Leibermann. Anyway, I'm done for now
and I bid you adios and and a herpes free Wednesday.
-Insidious_T
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