PastPoop
5/2/2003-My Life = Comedy
I read the works of Insidious_T, and I laugh. His use of the english
language to denounce france is awsome.
I read the works of HighPulp, and I laugh. His Hong Kong savvy vocab
makes for good reading.
I read my work, and I'm sad. Becuase the only way I can get a laugh is
tell the truth about my life.
Fuck it, it's funny, lets ROLL!
I'm gonna start a three part series entitled Norma,
My first Girlfriend. Please go away.
Part 1:
While people remember their first girlfriends with fondness, I look back
and wonder why I'm not gay.
Let's start off with a little backstory.
My luck with women in my teen years was far from good. This turned out
to be because a "friend" of mine would tell any girl I liked
that I would masturbate and call out their name. In turn they would avoid
me like the plauge.
So when I finnaly got a girlfriend, my senior year of high school, I
figured I'd try and do it right. It's not like the girls were queueing
up around the block for a date with me.
In turn I suffered some serious shit at the hands of this woman, who
basically tourtured me with her clingy needy bi-polar "where's my
inhailer" unshaven "I love babies SOOO much" insecure "Why
are you going out with your friends, DON'T YOU LOVE ME!?" crap. Honestly
folks, it was a nightmare.
Let's start off with her shaving habits, or lack of them.
For starters there was allways one hair on her knee that she never took
care of. I remember stairing at it, trying to send her a message with
my mind to GET RID OF IT! But she never did. Hell, even if she did know
about it, she didn't seem to care.
She also had a bit of a hairlip... *WRETCH*
Now, I'm a tolerant guy, but that's too much for me. I tried to be sensitive
about it, suggesting that she do something. It ended up with me telling
her to wax that shit, and her saying for me to deal with it.
Her bikini line was horriffic! I was embarassed to be seen in public
with her. It looked as if someone with a large fro had put on a bicycle
helmet. Again, I would make suggestions, and again I was told to deal
with it.
She also had the back hair. At this point in time, I didn't feel like
being told to deal with it. So I resulted to pulling it out strand by
strand when she wasn't looking. Yeah, she wasn't happy about it, but I
was working toward a goal. It's good to have goals.
She started out as a cute girl, but as time moved forward, things got
ugly.
Well, a friend of mine is playing Vietcong, and I'm invited so I'll leave
off at this point. Stay tuned for part 2, when I get into the sexual aspect,
or as I file it away in my brain, when she humped my leg.
-BarnyardMessiah Post A CommentRead Comments |