PastPoop
4/16/2003-Scientologists Involved In Conspiracy
Last week, a necrophiliac exhumed the remains of Scientologist founder
L.Ron Hubbard. While attempting to sodomize the Dianetics douchbag, the
corpse fucker found plans sealed in a map tube for L. Ron's major push
for world domination. The plans were to be pried from his cold rectum
post mortem, but John Travolta was at a script reading for 'Look Who's
Talking' and failed to forcep the devious text from his butt. Later while
snorting coke with Kirstie Alley, John was reminded of his obligation
to his master, but passed out while getting an e-meter reading in his
coca induced euphoria.
After the necro got his nut on, he sold the plans to Fox News in exchange
for a chance to sever Geraldo Rivera's head and hump the bloody neck stump.
Fox News reported that the text outlines a dastardly plan to to place
LSD into various everyday products, thus weakening a person's will to
resist the obvious bullshit psychobabble of Scientology and Dianetics.
The plan also called for more celebrity Scientologists to make aggressive
appearances to further Scientology propaganda and instill it in the stoned
masses.
The plan then went into a detailed monologue on how to force the 'philosophy'
of Scientology by offering street corner e-meter readings, replacing Bibles
in churches with 'Dianetics', opening the Scientology Fat Kid Summer Camp,
and by soliciting Scientology in public restrooms. This is feasible due
to L.Ron being quoted as saying once; "Hey, everyone is vulnerable when
pinching a loaf, I don't care who you are". The directive also called
for the creation of the 'Scientology Cable Network', however, the proposal
called for it to be pay per view.
Fox News questioned many Scientologist celebrities for comment. John
Travolta denied the existence of the plan. He was quoted as saying; "There
was no plan. I looked up Hubby's ass after he croaked to I.D. him. All
that was there was a half digested pork rind, and a SeaOrg contract."
Tom Cruise said: "Hubb-a-Dub wrote his book ideas and kept them in his
ass, maybe that's all it was." Juliette Lewis added: "No, no,no! That
tube was where he kept his pills."
The debate continues as Scientologist butternuts claim it's fake, while
the rest of the world believes it to be real. The general population has
also realized that they do feel "a little high."
-Insidious_T
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